guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
