I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
