If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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