They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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