i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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