Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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