we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
