it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
