false alarm. still invincible.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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