I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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