You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
