I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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