Don't make out with my wife yet
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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