So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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