My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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