My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
