Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Is it because I queefed?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
