What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
