Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
