By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize