dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
