what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
