I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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