I want to have your abortion
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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