shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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