Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize