I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
