I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
