I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
