for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
