I wanna bring you to show and tell
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
