Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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