We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think a kid would responsible me up
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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