So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
