I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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