I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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