The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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