Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
This toilet bowl is my home.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
