I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
