WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
