Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
