just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
