I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
There's even glitter on my cock...
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