I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
