You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize