is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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