is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
