I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
