my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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