Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
