can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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