I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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