mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
