Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
