Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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