I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
