so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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