Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
