Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
