What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
