my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
