i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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