she is the kim kardashian of front butts
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The uberlube is also flammable
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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