Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she peed on how many people?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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