Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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