Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
