I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
